You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
