He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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