The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
