So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
