I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
