member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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