oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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