the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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