So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
