we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
