You're my little dorito
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
