Your face is a jimmy john
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Randomize