Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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