I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize