Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
