Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
