She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
