I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
