instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
