He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
