I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
