fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize