puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
