I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
