Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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