Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
