I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My bed smells like the plague
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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