just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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