ADVERTISEMENT

• (512): View more from Texas

  just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  pretty standard. you have fun last night?

  (512): View more from Texas

  apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.

  Fav 8 1870 895

  share tweet
  

• (912): View more from Georgia

  I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.

  Fav 22 3411 1113

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (453): View more from

  apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.

  Fav 15 903 4316

  share tweet
  

• (646): View more from New York

  Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.

  Fav 15 825 4323

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.

  Fav 46 2147 6037

  share tweet
  

• (252): View more from North Carolina

  woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  i hope so.

  Fav 18 5723 1710

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (325): View more from Texas

  Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.

  Fav 11 4509 1087

  share tweet
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.

  Fav 7 2502 1408

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels

  Fav 1 822 595

  share tweet
  

• (313): View more from Michigan

  saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?

  Fav 4 572 502

  share tweet
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life

  Fav 1 614 362

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird

  Fav 1 551 270

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.

  Fav 0 448 185

  share tweet
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again

  Fav 0 44 30

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (707): View more from California

  Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???

  Fav 0 30 4

  share tweet
  

Randomize