So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
