Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
