We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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