Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
