dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
