oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
