I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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