your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize