i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
