The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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