It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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