Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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