Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
