Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My ATM looks so different sober.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
