So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
