I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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