..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
