i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he puts the penis in happiness.
and she was petting her beer can
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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