you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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