I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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