in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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