Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
