She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
