I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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