drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
