haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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