I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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