You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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