u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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