I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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