I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
