You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
