i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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