i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
