How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
