Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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