so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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