walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize