Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
