Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I need a burrito and a hug.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
