If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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