VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i now understand why vodka
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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