The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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