I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
