im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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