She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
